Tuesday, October 1, 2013

My Stone

Do you ever feel like you have been the worst version of yourself lately? Like you are allowing every bad habit and poor trait to appear all too often? Welcome to Lisa, end of September, 2013.

My parents raised me to be a good person. They taught me to be kind, to smile, and that if you have nothing nice to say- don't say anything at all. And above all else- fake it till you make it. And for the most part, I succeed. But there are these moments, where the filter between my head and mouth seems to be much shorter than on other days. And all of a sudden, I word vomit all over people. People who do not deserve snarky comments, people who think better of me. And I can't ever take it back. I can (and usually do) apologize, but what can be forgiven cannot be forgotten. And I H-A-T-E that about myself. I hate that I can be snarky, mean, and petty. I hate that I notice flaws, oddities. And then, I obsess over my poor behavior. I beat myself up over it- I scrutinize every action.

But that's what this life is all about, right? Learning, growing, asking for forgiveness, and valuing the lessons you learn. This is the hard part- the polishing of my stone. There was one more bump- rough surface- smoothed out. These growing pains are the pits. But I'm grateful for grace, and for love. And I am so grateful that I surround myself with wonderful people, who choose to see the best in me, and overlook the flaws- I guess I am grateful that the people around me are not like me.