Monday, October 6, 2014

Random Thoughts of the New Mommy

The idea of thoughts swirling in your head, never making it to paper (keyboard)- I think THAT is the act of motherhood. Which is a shame, since loving on Levi has opened up an new part of my brain that taps into my heart like never before. And I'm also exhausted. Happily exhausted.

 - Poop schedules run this town. Especially post solid food. Has he recently? How much? Consistency? Did he seem uncomfortable? It has actually become dinnertime conversation, which is weird. And gross.

 - I have never wanted a smile from another human being so badly. I will do really embarrassing things for a smile.

 -Being a Momma is all about sacrifice. But the tender mercy is that it REALLY doesn't feel like sacrifice. In retrospect- yeah, probably. My body. Naps. A clean house. A haircut. None of it's happening. But snuggling at 4 am? It doesn't seem like I am giving up anything. It seems like exactly what I should be doing.

 -Car seats are really heavy. Have women really been lifting these things forever?? Whoa.

 - I drive like a maniac when I am rushing to get home to Levi. Like a bat outta hell.

 -I was so scared that I wouldn't really like Levi. I mean, I knew I'd love him. But I'm not really a "kid" person. I was so grateful that I would be going back to work part time. And then- he was here, and I haven't stopped smooching his round bald head, and telling him how perfect he is since. I spend my days at work wishing I were home.

I had other thoughts. 4am thoughts- eloquent and meaningful. They have escaped me. I guess it comes down to this. As a new Mommy, I am so grateful to have my son. I am grateful for his spirit, and for the tender moments we have together. The sweet prayers that I say over him as I rock him to sleep, conversations with our Heavenly Father. I am grateful, blessed, and loved.