Boy of My Dreams

I can't wait to meet my boy- the boy of my dreams. The dirt tracking, sound effect making (you know, when more spit comes out than sound), rain boot wearing, spitty open mouth kissing boy of my dreams.

I hope he loves to ski with his Daddy. In my dreams, he loves to ski. But he also loves to snuggle up with me, to watch Charlie Brown.

I hope he loves to play- especially with toys that don't have an on/off button. In my dreams he has a wild imagination- much like his cousin Michael. I hope he loves to play.

I hope he gets dirty. In my dreams I have an inner battle between loving his squeals of joy squeezing the mud through his fingers, and wanting to chase him around with a wet rag. I hope I do more watching, and less chasing.

I hope he reads- I hope he never stops loving to read. In my dreams, he has so many books- board books, hard cover books, boxcar children books, hardy boy books. I want him to know about all of the worlds he can escape to through books.

I hope my boy knows Jesus Christ. In my dreams, he knows Jesus is his brother. His knowledge makes him strong- a force to be reckoned with.

In my dreams, my boy loves to laugh. I hope he laughs his way through life, through success and failures alike.

I hope my boy is kind. I hope he takes after his Daddy that way- tender hearted to everyone he meets. I hope his kindness lights up a room.

Most of all- my boy is loved. Totally and completely, way too much, loved. In my dreams, and in real life, my boy is loved. I hope he is always greeted with smiles, warmth, and hugs. I hope he feels that love, all of the time. Even when he makes a mistake- my boy is completely loved by his Mom and Dad.

22 (24) Weeks

Technically, I am 24 weeks today. This picture is from Thanksgiving 2013- when I was 22 weeks. Some things about my boy:

o He is funny- really funny! I was out shopping one day, and walked my a mirror- MISTAKE! I noticed how huge I was, and tried to zip up my vest to cover it up. So, in addition to looking like a busted can of biscuits, I was uncomfortable. I unzipped my vest, and immediately, he kicked me. Like a big ol' kick! He sure showed me.
o I'm still sick. Not as bad as before, and I have a system that seems to be working for us. I'm just taking pleasure in the fact that he is in the right place, doing the right thing.
o He is getting really active! Especially at night, when I'm winding down for bed. Christian got to feel a few really good kicks, too.
o Little boy is getting showered with sweet gifts and presents. He/I will want for nothing. Lots of gear, clothes, diapers, and he got his first handmade blanket the other day from his great grandma. It really is the most fun thing to be able to see those that you love, love your baby.
o My parents/brothers were in town this past weekend for Christians graduation (YAY!!). My Mom got to feel a few good kicks, as well. Baby boy was spoiled even more, and so was Mommy (me).
o Baby boy and I had a little scare the other day- nothing major, and in retrospect, not that big of a deal. But anything out of the ordinary has potential to really freak me out, and this was no different. It was perfect timing, though- my Mom was here to stay up all night to monitor some stuff, and to filter internet info for me. As well as wake up super early the next morning to go into the lab. It was one of those moments where I would have though- I want my Mom! And she was here!!
o Christian sure loves his boy. He has been so sweet to us, and makes sure we are always comfortable. Oh, he loves his wife, too. :)

That's about where we stand. 24 weeks, and settling in for the long winter.

Remembering

I always remember her- every day. At times, it takes me by surprise- the enormity in which I ache for her love and attention, even still. It's pretty unfair, not knowing how much you love someone, how much they are a part of you, until they are gone. Then, there is no going back- it doesn't matter how often, or with how much force you scream into the universe to bring them back- their physical time with you is over.

My Grandma's early life was far from an ideal childhood. She thirsted for a "family"- and it was her dream to make one for herself. She met my Grandpa, married, and began her family.

However- it seems her true happiness began when she became a Grandma. It doesn't matter how you got there- through blood, through marriage. I became hers through marriage. And if there ever was a little girl welcomed with the most open arms, it was me. I never felt "through marriage". I was always hers. I have always been hers.

I've been aching for her especially hard lately. I was so angry yesterday- she was taken from me too soon. I have so much to tell her. She needs to be here, so that she can ask me too many questions about my pregnancy, about my boy. So that she can get mad at me for not calling her often enough. How do I tell someone that they meant the world to me?

I will remember her, every day. Forever.

But what about my boy? Will he know her? Will he know if her passion for her family- him included?

Ramblings

Just a few random tidbits that have been swirling around in my brain lately-

o I can eat pretty much anything as long as it is covered drenched in ranch dressing. I'm serious- ANYTHING. My apologies if my breath can wilt a flower in no time flat.

o Christian suffered through a rigorous session of "Does this/should this still fit?" last night. While he wasn't a very captive audience (missed you, Mom!) he made it through and I said "Catch ya later!" to a whole heap of ridiculously cute clothes. And some unfortunate looking clothing, as well.

I only got to spend a limited amount of time with those clothes. Ya know, I got all kinds of chubby, lost the weight, wore them, got pregnant, cant wear them anymore. However, I WILL see those clothes again! Well, maybe not the unfortunate looking stuff. Anyways, you now know too much about my changing wardrobe.

o My Aunt and Uncle came to visit me and Christian this past weekend- it was the most fun. I was so glad to see them, and spend time with them here in Salt Lake.

16 Weeks

This is what 16 weeks is looking like for us, pre-dinner. Post-dinner looked MUCH different. But at that point, I was too sleepy to take a picture. (plus, it's my blog, so I can post what I want).

Baby and I have been coming out of the woods the past week. Still a little sick, but lots better than before. My energy is coming back, and I seem to be able to have more food options. I am still a compulsive worrier- being in the age of the internet is a curse and a blessing. Thankfully, I have a brilliant sister in law and brother who tell me when I should actually worry, and when I can let it go.

Christian is still sent straight from heaven- he's been amazing. He is always amazing, and I've always felt blessed to have him- he's just really stepped up his game. If there is one thing I know he will be beyond amazing at, it's being a Dad. I am so grateful for that.

I have really been loving each milestone- each week there is something new developing, growing, etc. I am loving this special time that I get with my child- it's such a neat time. I just have to remember than when I'm getting dressed each morning, and less and less clothes are fitting.

My Stone

Do you ever feel like you have been the worst version of yourself lately? Like you are allowing every bad habit and poor trait to appear all too often? Welcome to Lisa, end of September, 2013.

My parents raised me to be a good person. They taught me to be kind, to smile, and that if you have nothing nice to say- don't say anything at all. And above all else- fake it till you make it. And for the most part, I succeed. But there are these moments, where the filter between my head and mouth seems to be much shorter than on other days. And all of a sudden, I word vomit all over people. People who do not deserve snarky comments, people who think better of me. And I can't ever take it back. I can (and usually do) apologize, but what can be forgiven cannot be forgotten. And I H-A-T-E that about myself. I hate that I can be snarky, mean, and petty. I hate that I notice flaws, oddities. And then, I obsess over my poor behavior. I beat myself up over it- I scrutinize every action.

But that's what this life is all about, right? Learning, growing, asking for forgiveness, and valuing the lessons you learn. This is the hard part- the polishing of my stone. There was one more bump- rough surface- smoothed out. These growing pains are the pits. But I'm grateful for grace, and for love. And I am so grateful that I surround myself with wonderful people, who choose to see the best in me, and overlook the flaws- I guess I am grateful that the people around me are not like me.

And Then There Were 3...

Now that the cat is out of the bag, I can start to write on this blog again. I'll start with this.

Thoughts on the 1st Trimester of Pregnancy:

Morning sickness is no joke. I keep trying new things, hoping it will make the difference. So far, no luck.
Zofran is not the cure all. On it. Still puking.
Your boobs get TENDER- sleeping on your stomach is NOT worth it.
Food is no longer fun. Coming from the girl who could have been a professional eater before.
Emotions are pretty close to the surface. The good, the bad, the ugly. Some days, I feel like it would be better if I were committed. Make up is never worth it.
Seeing the ultrasound was ALL WORTH IT. x1000
My only pregnancy must have? My husband. He has been my one saving grace. Love that man. Oh, and slurpees.
Oh, and pregnancy hair ROCKS!

This baby has been wished for, prayed for, and dreamed of for a long time. I have been getting ready for this baby for a long time. Every step I've taken when running has been for this babe. Preparing myself, getting myself in tip top fighting shape. Doting all of my "i's", crossing all of my "t's".

I am just over 12 weeks, and more in love with the little lime sized love bug than ever. I hope it's getting some last minute face time with Heavenly Father, and that my Grandma is giving it all the love and kisses in the world. I hope he/she is getting to know her. That is my only heartbreak- that it won't get to know her. I'll make sure to take care of that.

Anyways, there is a whole lot of love happening around here. Love, tears, and barf. Mostly love.

You're It!

Jenn tagged me, so.... TMI from Lisa!


1. If you could have your dream job, what would it be?

I have no idea. I really love my job now- really. It's been the biggest blessing for us. But maybe not my forever job? Can I get paid for reading People magazine and eating Cafe Rio? Okay, maybe watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and playing Candy Crush?

2. Who is your style icon?

Anyone who wears maxi skirts and target t-shirts every day. Okay, or maxi dresses. So, basically anyone who can wear their pajama's all day and still look socially presentable. Or work out clothes? But, you know- with the comfy sports bras.


3. Any beauty secrets you're loving lately?

All of the "natural" hair and make up looks. Oh, wait- that isn't a trend? Well, look at me- such a trend setter. Zit's have never been more vogue!

4. What goals you want to accomplish this year?

Let's see- maintain my healthy lifestyle. That's a worthy goal. Read more, watch tv less. Oh, and help Christian get through his school. Graduation date- December 10! What's that? A light at the end of this tunnel???


5. What is one of your guilty pleasures?

Ah, let's narrow it down to the one's that are appropriate for internet. People magazine. Cafe Rio. Spending too much time with my mom (and all that comes with that- pedicures, eating out, shopping, staying up too late...). Naps.

6.What is one of your most embarrassing moments?

Oh, my life is a series of embarrassing moments. The time I was obsessed with Mike Bibby, and fell down a flight of stairs right in front of him. Apparently the fact that that is the worse one I can think of right now is my brain's way of coping.


Tag- anyone who reads this blog! Um... maybe the game will stop here then.

Losing my Mojo

There was a moment, not too long ago (although it's getting further and further in my hindsight), when I was a badass*. I trained for- and ran- a half marathon. I lost 40lbs. in the process. I surprised myself- who is this girl? I mean, I am a quitter. Soccer? Voice lessons? Roller-skating? Sewing? Quit 'em all. Somehow, this time, I managed to keep running.

And then- just like that- I stopped. Life has been stressful lately, for reasons that deserve their own post. I went back to all of those places that were warm and fuzzy to me- Café Rio, Chick-fil-a, Snow Shack, the list continues I remembered how much I love reality TV. I dug down really deep, and mustered all of the excuses I could come up with to NOT move. IT's hot. I'm sooo tired. I didn't have a very good lunch. I guess I didn't really dig too far.

It's been a while now, and it's starting to bother me. I liked that other girl. I enjoyed the energy, and the happiness that she brought. I liked being a badass*. And, I think I finally get it.

I've lost my mojo.

But when the inner me- the fat girl in me- the lazy quitter- when all she wants is to eat Oreos, watch Obese and Expecting on TV, and put that evening agenda on repeat, how do I beat her?

I'm not really looking for answers, just needing this space to be a venting corner for me. It's my own little corner of the vast internet space. And, I appreciate it so.

* I know, it's a bad word. But, it's my honest thought. And if I can't call myself a badass, then who can? I WAS A BADASS.

Happy Happy!!

Whatever happens this year will happen, its how I deal with it that matters. Bring it on, 2013!